There’s a dead moth stuck to my ceiling and I have no intention of doing anything about it

There is ...and I haven’t...but this isn’t about Cuthbert (I named him after I killed him...Out of respect, you know)
Nope, Cuthbert won’t be stealing my limelight this time. Nor will the birds who are totally fucked up by light pollution so they sing aaallll night...I mean c’mon give it a rest??!! Do birds get insomnia? And i digress. Nope this is about the fact that my soon-to-be university has decided that giving a prospective student (of 18-19 years old) 7 days to pay a £550 deposit fee on accommodation is totally acceptable. Yes that’s right 7 days, like they’re the mafia or something. And the biggest slap in the face is that if you’re rich enough to pay the whole years rent in one go you get...wait for it...a DISCOUNT!!! Since when did rich people need discounts, am I the only person outraged, they didn’t even have the decency to make sure the deadline fell around payday..No no no. Just any random day’ll do because that’s the kind of money you conjure out of thin air. You know like a party trick...and then you burn it and spit in homeless people’s faces.
So know I have to make a tearful (and snotty if I’m lucky) call to the admissions department about my desperate need for a one day extension so I can use my months food money to pay said deposit. I’m hoping they’ll let me off paying it at all, but I’m guessing not. So my plan B is to borrow the money and pay the borrower back asap on Friday...which I resent...coz I hate borrowing money...plus if I didn’t resent it I’d have nothing to bitch about and then where would we be?! Nowhere that’s were.
Moving on to bigger and better things here are 10 things i do everyday which apparently make me a weirdo:
10) I wash my face with oil. Yup. It works. Don’t judge.
9) I can’t use the toilet with anyone standing outside or with clothes on. What can i say; I’m a sensual person (HA!)
8) I use words which ‘don’t exist’ or ‘you just made that up right now Eleanor’. I’ve been told this makes me hard to understand but I’m not convinced.
7) I treat the neighbour’s cat as if she’s mine except i refuse to feed her or let her upstairs. Personally i don’t see this as weird i see it as the most bank friendly way to have a pet.
6) I watch a dose of trash TV. This gets hard in the summer but i manage goddamnit.
5) Playing with my eyeballs...it’s too tempting. I see it as a rather impressive feat that i can touch them without flinching.
4) Ok if your squeamish i wouldn’t read this...but i love plucking ingrown hair out of my legs...oh joy
3) Silent singing (don’t ask)
2) Finding bump on my scalp and picking them...
And...Drum roll please...
1)Topping food with salad cream particularly rice...mmmm

Well there you go... later