I like to do things in order so I'l start by apologising to the empty webspace which is my readership (I would say and my Mum but she doesn't even read this crap haha). Secondly, I would give some long winded excuse but the truth is I have none. I have time to write this blog I've just been a whole lot of lazy.
So moving on, I guess I'll just begin by saying I'm going to try and add a whole lot more fiction and maybe attempt to spell better ( ya know to be respectful to the good people of the oxford dictionary cartel). But of course I'll keep up with mundane entries regarding my monotonous life.
I finished university last summer which was a shock, spent a whole lot of time lying face down on the floor before I scraped myself up and wound up working in a library...in a prison...no literally. Can't say much about that though because it's all confidential so imma tell you about the time I joined online dating.
I joined online dating...funny thing is the most awkward moment involving this haphazard adventure had nothing to do with the date(s) in question. I went to meet the man I am currently seeing for a second date and I was waiting at the station for him looking obviously incredibly cool (and apparently open to Oprah Winfrey-esque relationship interventions) smoking a cigarette, this man approaches me looking a bit hapless. He asked me if I could do him a favour ( I'm from London so immediately assumed he meant sexual and put my hands on my keys a.k.a shank) I said depends what it is mate, turns out he wanted me to call his ex-girlfriend and pretend to be her current boyfriends girlfriend so she's think he was a cheating scumbag and go back to train station guy. I didn't do it of course...even though he offered me £20 and cried (good tactics but I'm a stone cold fox)
Sooo anyway, since we're all in the habit of making lists I'll leave you with one:
10 things I don't care about which seem to be all the rage with the kids these days:
10) Selfies.....You know what I think? If no one else wants to take pictures of you your either ugly as shit or an ass hole and so have no friends to take em and therefore no one wants to see you anyway...end of.
9)Miley Cyrus......in general, talking about her, looking at her, hearing about her...I was over it when she was Hannah Montanna I'm still over it now.
8)People who think pointing out discrimination is discriminatory *sighs, rubs forehead*...I'm gonna say this one time, You're not Kant, this is not a philosophy lecture, save your circular logic for someone with twice the time and half the I.Q. please.
7) Geeks, Nerds, Gamers etc complaining about being Geeks, Nerds, Gamers etc........just stop....it's awkward, we don't hate you, we just don't care.
6) bit strips....terrible
5) being a unique snowflake......terrible
4)Singing competitions (think ex factor et al) they've become like some kind of dystopian vision of the future and when I watch them I get palpitations and have nightmares.
3) Walking around wearing clothes 6 sizes to big....I mean do I really need to go into this one. You're a shambles mate.
2)Going to work in the mornings....Why morning? what do people have against nocturnal activities?! Seriously would the world not be a better place if we could all just go to work with sleeping bags rolled up under our arms.
1)People telling me to quite smoking...NO, make me! what has it to do with you if I want to dramatically shorten my life span...climate change is real ya know, if anything I'm helping.
