love letters from an insomniac

run on banks? nope we'll just keep being f**ked up the arse thanks!

2011-04-04T09:50:00.000+01:00

Ok, so here's the thing. I may be a little tired right now (37 hours without sleep and counting) and therefore more aggressive etc etc but who gives a shit, this is serious. I've become tired, I've become tire of hearing about poverty and abuse and brutality, but most of all I'm tired of people claiming they can do nothing about it. You can, but it requires a radical change of mind. The powers that be have made a success of controlling and passifying the population and it's time we fought back before it's too late. It's time to fight for your mind and for the lives and dignity of all of us.
So...
Firstly, read. read all you can read, never stop consume information. let it sustain you. Toss it around in your mind until it makes sense then question, like a 5year old in the 'why?' phase. Question it repeatedly, from all angles.
Secondly, STOP BUYING SHIT. again? STOP. FUCKING. BUYING. SHIT!why? why you ask? because you buying shit is aiding and abetting the systematic slaughter and abuse of billions of people world wide. As a population we have so much blood on our hands and so many atrocities caused by our dogged consumerism it will take generations to exonerate us but it starts here. So stop. Stop feeding the system, Stop making excuses. Not buying shit is easy, costs nothing and requires no effort. Buy locally sourced food or (real) fair trade products. Do your research. Make sure it's legit.
Thirdly, trade.trade.trade.trade.trade. Stop using their banks stop using their monetry system. Boycott them in the fullest sense. Make sure they have no chance of survival and become a true insurgent. There are more of us than there are of them. We could make their systems of control and abuse come crashing down.
Fourth, wake up! think of the rules and 'morals' you live by. did you create them? didn't think so. Are they harmful? probably.

As humans we must remember some things, never stop growing and learning. There is no shame in admitting you've been wrong time and time again. Your resistance is the only strength you have. Use it as a means for survival and a vessel to carry others into a good world.
rant over, instructions given. tune in next time
Peace

2011-01-14T01:57:00.000Z

rain is bullshit. yup that is my professional opinion. what kind of weather is rain? like really, and i don't mean thunderstorm hurricane rain i mean shitty normal rain. its not fun. its not exciting. all it does is get your face so wet that you look like one of those people who has obviously overdone it with the power walking and is now sweating out of a gratuitous amount of pores. anyways, now I've finished that minor rant (yeah you got off lucky this time) I'm gonna hit you with a list.BOOM! 10 things i dislike (my hatred is like my USP don't judge)
10) the colour orange
9) safety lighters.....like wtf is a safety lighter
8) when people eat out of Tupperware
7) the weird plastic balls you get in a shop when you get something gift wrapped
6) shops with no name
5) people who find the following things funny; poo jokes, slapstick, mime, puns, lee Evans
4) the holes that drawing pins leave in the walls
3) baby blue clothes
2) sugar in tea
1) owls....they're just weird....and unnecessary

Ants never sleep in their whole lifetime = I am an ant

2011-01-11T06:07:00.000Z

I'm having yet another sleepless night. The regularity of my nocturnal wakefulness has become a problem which I often feel reluctant to part with; I think this is simply because I have no choice in the matter. Whether I like it or not sleeping at the 'right times' is a skill set I may never acquire. However the absence of slumber is not the issue that I wish to raise right now...It's the cause. Like thousands of people I suffer from clinical depression (I know I know my posts are always so joyful!)The diagnosis of which I only received a few years ago. Now we've all seen the 'hang in there kitty' motivational posters and heard 'Just get a grip' uttered from many a snarling mouth and of course there is all the grim representations of the short bouts of depression actors experience in the movie's after a bad break up but the truth of this condition is not so entertaining. Actually, I've found that the worst thing about it is the confounding boredom you experience. Not only with life but with yourself. Sometimes I will look into the mirror and feel and overwhelming ache of boredom, I'm bored of being sad, bored of being tired and bored of depression. This is what depression is, a dull ache. A yearning for the unattainable goal of consistent happiness and boredom with the need for it.
The representation of depression is probably the worst part. Everyone is a have a go psychologist once you disclose your troublesome ailment to them and the fact that they have seen Carrie Bradshaw sans make-up and sunlight for a few days after her big marriage disaster means they obviously have a detailed insight into the minds and hearts of those of us that just can’t scrape our feet off the floor. What is needed is not a quick diagnosis or a burst of fresh air. No trips or treats will erase the miserable feeling of emptiness. My message to those depressed masses who may stumble upon this page and have a go at reading my fragmented (at best) lamentations, is that all you need is time. Not just to heal, you may never entirely heal. But time to accept, to grow. Time to realise that your mind is exhausted and needs a break and that you will not manage to reach the very end of your life and never genuinely smile again or laugh again or even just for a moment, be happy.

Dale Carnegie said: If you can't sleep, then get up and do something.Dale Carnegie is an asshole with motives...the worst kind

2010-07-23T12:15:00.002+01:00

Unlike most people i enjoy sympathy...now let’s just get this straight...i don’t mean i like being patronised and i hate it when people fuss too much. But i like a little sympathy...because sympathy often leads to treats.............and i like treats. Anyway enough about that...as you may have gathered from my title I have a problem with sleep. I have a problem with a lot of things...sleep is one of those. Yeah i know it sucks ass. So i decided to take some affirmative action and give you all some top tips on what not to do when you are sleep deprived...I’m gonna do them in list form...I like lists...deal with it!
1) Drinking multiple cups of tea in quick succession only leads to one thing...heart burn.
2) Chasing said tea with multiple cups of coffee does not ‘counteract the effects of heartburn caused by tea’ it only aggravates it...so just don’t...you are not a scientist...there is no fact behind that assumption...your a fool.
3) Anything you think of when you haven’t slept for 3 days is probably a bad idea...scrap that...it is most definitely the stupidest, most dangerous idea you have EVER had...EVER! Just don’t do it...lie down and cry.
4) Cats are not ‘out to get you’, ‘making war cries outside your window’ or ‘possessed by the spirit of King Henry VIII. You’re crazy. Live with it.
5) Running up and down the stairs after 3 sleepless nights will only end in tears.
6) Washing your hair at 4 in the morning then lying on it will only end in tears.
7) People are not shouting at you. You’re tired. Like when you were 5, and your mum would say ‘you're tired’ and you would flip. Yeah. She’s not ‘starting’ on you. You’re tired.
8) There are no such things as flying gremlins...it’s a crow.
9) Do not under any circumstances try to pluck ingrown hairs out of your legs in the half light of dawn. The only result is severe bleeding, crying, swearing, hitting walls and unsightly contusions.
10) And finally, never go on Google...just don’t even touch the Internet...you WILL end up crying huddled in the foetal position in the corner of your room because you just stumbled upon a prank video of the large hadron collider causing a black hole and now you feel you have the tedious and weighty moral dilemma of whether or not to let the world know of their impending doom. You will somehow manage to watch hardcore porn and proceed to vomit and rip your hair out and googling suicide will not help you.

There’s much more...but i think I’ve covered the most important ones for now.
Peace.

There’s a dead moth stuck to my ceiling and I have no intention of doing anything about it

2010-07-03T21:05:00.002+01:00

There is ...and I haven’t...but this isn’t about Cuthbert (I named him after I killed him...Out of respect, you know)
Nope, Cuthbert won’t be stealing my limelight this time. Nor will the birds who are totally fucked up by light pollution so they sing aaallll night...I mean c’mon give it a rest??!! Do birds get insomnia? And i digress. Nope this is about the fact that my soon-to-be university has decided that giving a prospective student (of 18-19 years old) 7 days to pay a £550 deposit fee on accommodation is totally acceptable. Yes that’s right 7 days, like they’re the mafia or something. And the biggest slap in the face is that if you’re rich enough to pay the whole years rent in one go you get...wait for it...a DISCOUNT!!! Since when did rich people need discounts, am I the only person outraged, they didn’t even have the decency to make sure the deadline fell around payday..No no no. Just any random day’ll do because that’s the kind of money you conjure out of thin air. You know like a party trick...and then you burn it and spit in homeless people’s faces.
So know I have to make a tearful (and snotty if I’m lucky) call to the admissions department about my desperate need for a one day extension so I can use my months food money to pay said deposit. I’m hoping they’ll let me off paying it at all, but I’m guessing not. So my plan B is to borrow the money and pay the borrower back asap on Friday...which I resent...coz I hate borrowing money...plus if I didn’t resent it I’d have nothing to bitch about and then where would we be?! Nowhere that’s were.
Moving on to bigger and better things here are 10 things i do everyday which apparently make me a weirdo:
10) I wash my face with oil. Yup. It works. Don’t judge.
9) I can’t use the toilet with anyone standing outside or with clothes on. What can i say; I’m a sensual person (HA!)
8) I use words which ‘don’t exist’ or ‘you just made that up right now Eleanor’. I’ve been told this makes me hard to understand but I’m not convinced.
7) I treat the neighbour’s cat as if she’s mine except i refuse to feed her or let her upstairs. Personally i don’t see this as weird i see it as the most bank friendly way to have a pet.
6) I watch a dose of trash TV. This gets hard in the summer but i manage goddamnit.
5) Playing with my eyeballs...it’s too tempting. I see it as a rather impressive feat that i can touch them without flinching.
4) Ok if your squeamish i wouldn’t read this...but i love plucking ingrown hair out of my legs...oh joy
3) Silent singing (don’t ask)
2) Finding bump on my scalp and picking them...
And...Drum roll please...
1)Topping food with salad cream particularly rice...mmmm

Well there you go... later

For Elgar...

2010-06-29T20:02:00.002+01:00

Farewell Elgar, you had a good run but its time for Adam Smith to take the torch. You will be sorely missed.
*Disclaimer* if you’re not English/British I apologies as this will probably be totally lost on you.

Saturday is asshole day...

2010-06-26T23:07:00.003+01:00

Oh and Sunday...but Saturday in particular...I’m sorry I cant serve your girlfriend ( who looks like she’s about 12 by the way...and you say your 30..eeww gross) alcohol, I’d rather not get fined and prosecuted so you and your “23” year old girlfriend can get cheap thrills off cheap cider. Don’t look at me like that...this is my job not my hobby, I really don’t wanna be here as much as you. Actually scratch that I don’t want to be here more than you. So kiss my ass you hairy sob try Tesco’s or better yet the corner shop...jhheezzzuuss.
Anyway, I have to raise £550 in a week to pay the deposit on my student accommodation. What a farce, I wouldn’t pay in protest only then I’d be homeless and I’m not one of those people that cannot shower for more than a day and get away with it, I don’t want to be accused of being a source of pollution, I’m English, my embarro-meter would explode. But seriously really??!! I mean you’re asking a 19 year old to somehow come up with £550 in 7 days...are you for real... and they had the damn cheek to have another option were you paid the full amount instead of just the deposit and you get a discount. THE DAMN CHEEK!!! Since when did rich people need discounts...I need a discount...I work in a supermarket for crying out loud. So yeah, amongst many other things that piss me off (mainly being alive in general), that did too. Also I keep having to serve the smelly woman at work who isn’t homeless but smells like she is and has a smelly matt of hair at the back of her head and dirty fingers and is just greasy in general...oh and she’s rude... it should be illegal to be smelly and rude...one or the other bitch...you can’t have your cake and eat it, if your gonna make me throw up in my mouth at least do it with mild mannered respect.

Apparently it’s no longer acceptable to give children cardboard boxes as gifts....not even painted ones

2010-06-22T04:10:00.004+01:00

My 10 year old brother has a mobile phone. And not just any mobile phone no no no no no...He has a brand spanking new nokia E-series with a contract...10!!! Well excuse me but at 10 the best I could expect was one of those dear diaries which was basically a calculator that used letters, had poor memory and a dysfunctional password setting. THAT my friends was the pinnacle of modern technology when I was 10. I was a tool with that gizmo...I totally had more than two friends for like three months due to that transparent pink diary calculator. Now it’s all blackberry’s and wii’s (which are pretty awesome I know but stfu I’m tryna make a point here) and iron man games which cost 100 big ones and mean your big sister can’t pay the bills for 6 months prior and is confined to a gulag in Siberia to pay her debts (and I’m only exaggerating a little bit). No I think kids should all be made to make their own fun, there is nothing wrong with climbing trees, making ‘poison’ and ‘spells’ out of household cleaning products and turning the living room table upside down to make a boat. Since when was it acceptable for a child to own something that cost you more than your months’ rent. Okay maybe I’m being harsh but whatever, all I know is that when I was younger I came home every day with a new abrasion not a new electrical gadget that cost a few hundred and designer clothes. Bitter? Me? Maybe a little.

I know, I know how can i not give in to his tiny bespectackled face

Is it coz im cool?

2010-06-21T11:21:00.006+01:00

Sometimes in life you have to take a step back from everything, all the small annoyances, people who feel deodorant is not a necessity when travelling on public transport (or anywhere), bra’s that shrink in the wash leaving you with the options of a training bra or your mothers F-cups and the cat next door that comes in farts in your face and steals your socks.
Sometimes you have to pay tribute to those who have meant more to you in life than any petty annoyance, small triumph or minor disagreement. Those who have been present at every milestone, who have stood behind you when you were right and always told you when you were wrong. Those who have given their all to you when you needed it most and when you couldn’t give anything back.
I have one of these people in my life. I am one of the lucky ones. And for all my tough talk and for all my independence, I couldn’t breathe without her. My sister. The one who let me draw on the walls of our bedroom...who let me paint our skirting board vomit green, who put up with my monotone singing voice, who laughed at all my jokes, who cried when i cried, rejoiced when i rejoiced and was strong for me when she needed strength. My sister. Who lay in hospital beds making me laugh, who spent her time and money trying to make me smile, who endured unimaginable pain with the patience and dignity of a saint, who puts up with me, who is unconditionally kind, who is always fair, who is always just and who has taught me how to be above all else, human, through whatever indignity life throws at you.
So this is the moment where I step back to let her know that life without her, wouldn’t have been life at all...and i wouldn’t trade her for anything....not even carrot cake. So this is for my sister, the most worthwhile person I will ever know.
Welcome home xx

Today.... I was disciplined.

2010-06-20T04:51:00.001+01:00

Ok. Shall we begin? Before you all start making wild assumptions this is not going to be about some crazy sexual exploit ...yes I know how unfortunately dull of me. No, today we are talking about lateness. And what exactly constitutes lateness, because as far as I know being two minutes late was never call for serious action on the part of the evil powers that be...apparently I was very wrong.
Last Sunday went a bit like this for me:
I got up etc blabla bla and made my way to my place of work which happens to be a supermarket (pause for applause...no? ok) I admit I was running ever so slightly late but no biggie...oh.no wait. Apparently it is. On arriving at the checkouts I was met by one of the managers:
*shows me watch*
Manager: ‘what time is it Eleanor’
Me: ‘eerrmm.... ‘11.02’
Manager...*stare of death’
Me: sorry I’m late
About half an hour later I’m sent upstairs and guess what...I’m served a fucking disciplinary for being two minutes late ...I mean come OONNN!! Really? Are we really gonna do this?? Well, yes. Yes we are because today...on this noble Saturday. I was promptly disciplined. Yes you read it right, a date was set , tears were shed, tables overturned. (ok that didn’t really happen but i need to make this sound dramatic). And i am up for review in July. Aside from the fact that i am leaving in august so none of this is very important, they seemed to have completely neglected that fact that i (being an insomniac) don’t really have the energy to care and even when being served with the most UNJUST treatment will probably just yawn and ask what day it is. (don’t judge, my apathy is my only strength), well the following Tuesday i was handed a lovely green slip of paper with my review date on it and that was that. I mean i was expecting two burly security type guys to slap me across the face with a wad of printing paper and tell me ‘you’ve been served’, but apparently i will be granted no such show.
They truly did show me.

Welcome to Sparta.

2010-06-19T23:21:00.000+01:00

Hello and welcome to my blog. Hopefully you’ll enjoy my future rants. As I have discovered that I was created for the sole purpose of being a source of amusement to everyone else, I have decided to share the joy my unfortunate life brings to the world via the web (which I have craftily deciphered after years of sheer confusion and uttering profanities at the blue screen of death). Enjoy amigos. Peace for now.